Our Holy Week ...

It's been a beautiful Holy Week ~ today it will be 73 degrees here, which is unseasonably warm for this corner of the world. It is so nice to have the windows open, to freshen up the townhouse, while we do some basic cleaning. Monday was upstairs, today is downstairs. Hopefully, we can simply maintain for the rest of the week, so it will stay nice for Easter. Hopefully.

Yesterday was the last day of school for my kindergirl (top photo). My first grader's last day is today, which is why there is not photo of her in this post. Sorry, Sweetie =) Then, the girls have the Triduum and Easter week off, which will be nice, especially so we can kick off our own garden parties using The Garden of the Good Shepherd: A Sticker Calendar to Count the Fifty Days of Easter and the creative menus of Jessica and Charlotte.

The twins got haircuts this week. They needed them badly ... Whenever my children get haircuts, they always look bigger, older to me. These twins of mine are really growing up! (Now 28 months.) And as much as I get frustrated with double-the-toddler-trouble at times, they truly are delightful ... and so funny!

We have had some errands to run this week, too. One of our clothing bins ended up in storage instead of here, so I am missing some Easter dresses. Sigh. Thankfully, my oldest daughter's godmother gave me a merchandise credit to Gymboree that she decided she wasn't going to use after carrying it around in her wallet for a year. Thank you, Jess! We are all set with our Easter attire now, except for me, of course. I tend to forget that I want to wear my best on Easter Sunday, too. I am sure I have something in my closet that will do, but it's not the same as treating myself to something springy and new ... Oh well. Do you do that, too? Get all the kids (and sometimes husband) ready with their clothes and shoes and accessories, and forget about yourself?

We plan on making chocolate chip cookies for our parish priests and delivering them on Holy Thursday. Since at the Last Supper, which we commemorate on Holy Thursday, Jesus instituted the priesthood, we thought it would be a nice day to thank them in a special way for their service.

I think this year we will split up for the Triduum services, with DH and I taking turns bringing the oldest girls with us. This year is not the year to go together, especially since the liturgies can start late and run long!

Easter is almost here! I cannot wait to sing out, what my trio has affectionately named "the A word." It won't be long now ...

My only prayer is that Jesus will continue to meet me where I am. And that I may embrace the crosses He wants me to carry along the way to Calvary:

I adore Thee, O Christ, and bless Thee. Because by Thy holy cross, Thou has redeemed the world.

P.S. My kids' newest favorite outdoor activity: collecting rocks. Little do they know that the landscape rocks around our townhouse are not very unique fossil finds. But, shhh! please don't tell them. It would ruin their day entirely!

Come to the Altar

Holy Week is the time of our great Passover: the passage from darkness to light, from sadness to joy, from time to eternity, from death to life. And so we are drawn to the Cross, and the Cross is offered to us, in this and in every Eucharist. The Eucharist is the place and the means and the price of our Passover for the Eucharist is the Church held in the embrace of the Cross.

Come, surrender.

If you are weary, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross. If you are fearful and isolated, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross. If you are bitter, or bruised, or fragmented, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross. If you hunger and thirst for holiness, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross. If you would ascend with Christ to the Father, if you would make of your life a fragrant offering, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross. If you would leave behind the darkness of the cold tomb, if you would know the joy of resurrection, come to the altar, surrender to the embrace of the Cross.

Toward the eighth day.

Together let us surrender to the mystery of the Cross. Together let us receive from the altar the mystery of the Cross and so enter into the silence and into the song of the great and glorious Pasch of the Lord. In a week's time, having passed over from death to life, from the seven days of measured time into the mystic Eighth Day, we will hail the festival day of Him who triumphs over hell and holds the stars of heaven in His hand.

(Salve, Festa Dies, Easter Processional Hymn. Reflection from Fr. Mark Kirby.)

The Look of Love

With all my heart I desire You,

O Bread of Angels!

Do not look on my unworthiness

which separates me from You,

but look on Your love

which so often has invited me

to approach You.

—St. Louise de Marillac

(H/T: someone who e-mailed this to me today)

Palm Sunday

Holy Week, the most solemn and intense periods of worship in the Christian faith, begins with Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. In spite of the spiritual gravity of Holy Week, it begins with joy. The Church celebrates Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem, and the Church begins her commemorative pilgrimage with her Lord on His way to Calvary.

—Author unknown—

We just returned from a beautiful Mass at our cathedral, in spite of some very naughty twins. (Sigh.) As much as I believe in bringing my children to Mass ("Let the little children come to Me."), sometimes it is very, very hard. I want to be able to focus and pray. And sometimes all I seem to do is shhh them, distract them and even take them to the back, because they are being so noisy. One twin in particular almost always has to be taken out of Mass. Today, both displayed "epic naughtiness," as my husband says. And in an echoing cathedral, it seemed like their noisiness was even worse than it really was. Thankfully my trio act just fine in Mass, because they're old enough, but handling two toddlers in Mass often leaves me exhausted and frazzled. On top of just dealing with this and feeling like I am not very present to Jesus, don't pray enough or am unable to contemplate receiving my Lord in the Holy Eucharist (as if all that isn't enough!), I will be honest, and say that I worry about what other people around me must think. I worry about their perceived judgement. Especially when there aren't a lot of other children around us. Five young kids assembling into a pew. Are they saying, "Oh no"? I know that I shouldn't care. But I do. Perhaps it's prideful embarrassment. I pray that it's not. But I guess I don't know ...

So, my Holy Week has not started off very prayerfully, with a poignant Mass experience. But I really have to fight to not let that ruin my Holy Week entirely. To let go of my expectations of how I want Holy Week to be. And surrender it all to Him. Walk with Him in my daily vocation. In the situation He has placed me in. Perhaps not having a perfectly prayerful and quiet and solemn Holy Week is the cross I must embrace. And when I do embrace my own cross, there is where I will meet Him. Along the way. Where He is waiting for me.

It's only 10 a.m., so we have a lot of Palm Sunday left! A lot of opportunity to ponder and pray and rest in Him during the remainder of this day. Our simple plans for today include doing our Resurrection Eggs for the first time this Lent, praying a family Rosary, and making a modified version of this palm sundae dessert (because I don't like coconut ~ lol =)

My girls only have two days of school this Holy Week, and then they are off until April 12. I am working on coming up with some good, prayerful preparations for Easter (that are realistic enough, too), as well as some fun things to do during our break. But more on that later. For now, I'm off to play a game of Uno with my trio. And do everything I can to surrender those expectations and experience Him where He really is: here and now.

Craft Basket (Thursday)

Just thought I'd share a quick pic of my prayer shawl. The pattern is from this book.

I was invited to attend a prayer shawl ministry event at a local convent. They call it "Knitting with the Sisters." I have only attended one event but committed to knitting a prayer shawl for the ministry. The sisters give out knitted or crocheted prayer shawls to anyone in their community who is sick, including the elderly, children and anyone in between.

I found this book while I was browsing at Jo-Ann a couple weeks ago. I've never read any of her novels, but I liked enough of the patterns in this book, that at 30% off, the book was a good one to add to my (small) collection of knitting patterns. This particular pattern could easily be used for a baby blanket, too.

The yarn I am using is Patons Shetland Chunky Tweeds in Sea Ice. I've never used this yarn before, but so far, I really like it. It's available at craft stores. I got mine at Michaels.

While I am knitting this prayer shawl, I am praying the following prayer that the sisters gave to me. I just change "your" to "my," so it's more personal:

May God touch your hands with love

May God guide your needles with compassion

May God fill your yarn with spirit.

May God touch your heart with peace

May God guide your soul to freedom

May God fill your mind with silence.

May God touch your shawl with warmth

May God guide your community with joy

May God fill our world with hope.

May your knitting be blessed.

I've been thinking a lot about the person who will receive this prayer shawl. I can't help but think of him or her a lot, while I knit. This has been a very prayerfully blessed experience for me, knitting something for someone I don't even know with the hope that it will give them comfort and warmth during their time of need. I think this project has been so special, so meditative, because as a wife and mom, I really don't have opportunities to be out in the world making a difference. The difference I make is within my home, within my family. That is most important, of course. But knitting something for someone that I don't even know is a small way I can serve the greater community. This small act of service has truly been joy-filled!

So, that's what's in my craft basket this Thursday—in addition to my fingerless gloves and lace scarf =) Have you been knitting, sewing or crafting anything lately? If so, please share it over at Amy's blog, Knit Together. Or just stop by to offer her "get well wishes," as she just sprained her ankle—oh no!

To Be Merciful

These two prayers were recently given to me by a priest. They have been my prayer, my meditation this week. (But I am sure they will remain my prayer for quite a bit longer than just this week.) They speak to me particularly in my prayer and reflection of what it means to be in my particular vocation, as a wife and mother. How am I called to act? How am I called to serve? How am I called to be within the life God has called me to live? Within my vocation? Within my pathway to Heaven?

Both prayers are taken from St. Faustina's Diary.

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Prayer for the Grace to be Merciful Towards Others

(This prayer gives us a true measure of our mercy, a mirror in which we can observe ourselves as merciful Christs. We can well make it our morning invocation as well as our evening examination of conscience.)

O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.

I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all your divine attributes—that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.

Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbor’s souls and come to their rescue.

Help me, that my ears may be merciful, that our ears may be merciful, that I may give heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.

Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.

Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.

Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those whom I know will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own sufferings in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.

You Yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy of whatever kind. The second, the word of mercy—if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer—if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically.

O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for You can do all things.

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For a Merciful Heart

O Jesus, I understand that Your mercy is byond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart so big that there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on the face of the earth ... and the souls suffering in Purgatory ... Make my heart sensitive to all the sufferings of my neighbor whether they be of body or soul. O my Jesus, I know that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor ... Make my heart like unto Your merciful Heart ... Transform it into Your own Heart that I may sense the needs of other hearts, especially those who are sad and suffering. May the rays of mercy rest in my heart ... Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to everyone.

Words to Ponder ...

God's sun rises on the bad and the good, he rains on the just and the unjust. (Matthew 5:45)

(Sunday and yesterday), the Mass readings remind us of two women accused of adultery: Susanna, the innocent, and the nameless woman, guilty, brought before Jesus. We might think of them as representing the two faces of God's people: innocent and guilty. The Lord hears not their deeds but their plight and rescues them from their accusers. Jesus, who take the place of stricken humanity before the wrath of the enemy, will not so spare himself.

—From morning prayer in Magnificat, Monday, March 22, 2010

Springy Daybook (& 200th Post!)

For today ... Monday, March 22, 2010

Outside my window ... sunny, 40s. Not as warm as last week but still springy

I am thinking ... about what I learned in Bible study last week. The book of James is incredibly relevant to today. It is practical, in that one can apply the lessons to life right here and now. Last week, we studied true and false (or godly and worldly) wisdom. Along with our lesson, we studied a little of the Vatican II document, Gaudium Et Spes (On the Church in the Modern World). Written in 1965, this document is very prophetic and so applicable to today. The main challenge I took away from last week's study was how I am going to go after wisdom (the godly and real kind) as if it is a hidden treasure: Seek it, search for it, do not give up until I find it!

I am thankful for ... our little adventure into the city yesterday to attend Mass at our beautiful Cathedral of St. Paul (National Shrine of the Apostle Paul). Its architecture is magnificent, and when I enter it, I feel like I have been transported to another place, perhaps another country. It's an amazing blessing to have such a gorgeous cathedral so near to us.

After Mass, we had the opportunity to observe a beautiful replica of Michalangelo's Pieta, which is currently on discplay at the cathedral. To walk right up to a replica of such a famous work of art was such an honor. After hearing about the Pieta within one of the talks on my retreat, I payed close attention to Mary's open hand, as she held her Son's body. The few minutes we were in front of this statue brought a brief, but wonderful, Lenten meditation for our family.

From the kitchen ... this week's menu: creamy chicken and rice casserole; tacos; chicken and dumplings; tomato basil soup

I am listening to ... Clifford: The Big Red Dog on TV downstairs

I am reading ... Graced and Gifted

I am hoping ... to spend more time in prayer ... and keep up with the laundry this week

I am creating ... Fetching Fingerless Gloves, One Row Lace Scarf, Beginner's Prayer Shawl found in this book

Around the house ... in good shape, except for maybe the laundry

A few plans for the rest of the week ... Irish dance lessons, talk by Fr. James Kubicki of the Apostleship of Prayer, Good Shepherd class, knitting class, Bible study, school meeting

For more daybooks, visit here.

Solemnity of St. Joseph

Some saints are privileged to extend to us their patronage with particular efficacy in certain needs, but not in others; but our holy patron St. Joseph has the power to assist us in all cases, in every necessity, in every undertaking.

—St. Thomas Aquinas

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To other Saints, Our Lord seems to have given power to succor us in some special necessity—but to this glorious Saint, I know by experience, He has given the power to help us in all. Our Lord would have us understand that as He was subject to St. Joseph on earth—for St. Joseph, bearing the title of father and being His guardian, could command Him—so now in Heaven Our Lord grants all his petitions ...

—St. Teresa of Avila

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More wonderful prayers to and quotes about St. Joseph can be found here. Image found here.

Happy Solemnity ... and Happy Weekend!

Top O the Morning to You!

Christ be with me,

be after me,

be before me,

and be at my right and left hand.

May everything I do be for Christ.

Today's simple plans include making Shamrock Shakes (H/T: Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things ~ one part mint chocolate chip ice cream and one part milk), reading a bit about St. Patrick, and coloring this lovely page (H/T: Charlotte at Waltzing Matilda for sharing it first).

Here's hoping you have a very happy and holy St. Patrick's Day!

A Sneak Peek ...

... into my craft basket on this Craft Basket Wednesday!

My Pidge is done! I sewed on the buttons (with help) over the weekend. I may want to fiddle with their placement a bit, but I won't be wearing this again until late fall/early winter anyway.

With my hat, I think this turned out to be a nice wintery set, and I look forward to wearing it ... just not too soon =)

(my model =)

I am still knitting away on my lace scarf, about 20 percent done ... This is sort of my "ongoing" and "in-between" project, when I need a break from my other knitting projects or just want to work on something different ... As long as I get one done by the end of May, I am in good shape. (I should have enough yarn to make two.)

Lastly, my newest project is a pair of Fetching Fingerless Gloves. I splurged a bit on the yarn, using Debbie Bliss' Cashmerino DK in a charcoal gray. It is really soft and beautiful yarn with which to work! I really, really like it! But it's definitely a "treat" yarn, IMO.

So, what's in your craft basket today? Check out more crafting fun at Knitting Together.

A Mailbox Full of Fun

Yesterday, I was delighted to find something fun in the mailbox, instead of the typical fliers, bills and other junk mail.

It was a package! A delightful package from Carmen at Carmie's Cozy Conifer Cabin.

And in that delightful package was some lovely, colorful yarn that she knew she'd never use and wanted to give away.

Since I'm still a fairly new knitter and haven't acquired a big "stash" of yarn, I gladly said I would take the yarn she did not need.

She told me that she originally was planning on making something baby-esque with it, and I think that's exactly what I plan on doing, too, for a couple of special mamas I know who are expecting ...

With my current projects, as well as these baby projects and two prayer shawls in my queue, I have plenty of yarn and plenty of projects to last me awhile. No purchasing yarn "just because" for me! I will take the wise advice of Carmen and Jenn and keep my stash manageable.

Thanks, Carmen, for sharing your yarn with me! I will be sure to share the end results of my baby projects here and on Ravelry!

Irish at Heart

A little over a year ago, we had some friends over for dinner. Among our dinner conversation topics was that of their girls' involvement with Irish dance. I had seen Riverdance (who hasn't?), and I was looking for some sort of dance instruction for my oldest. So, I was very curious to learn more.

"But we're not Irish," I told my friend. And she laughed. Of course you don't have to be Irish to participate in Irish dance, but for some reason I had it in my head that you did ~ lol!

Fast forward to last summer ... I enrolled my oldest in Irish dance camp, and she loved it. Then, at the end of summer, it was time to find a dance school. I signed her up for the beginning class at the school my friend's girls attended. I always appreciate recommendations ~ for recipes, books, music, dance schools. I like the tried and true. Things I can trust from people I trust.

So far, our experience has been nothing but positive. The school is very well-run. Organized. Professional. And yet the instructors truly care about the kids. That is obvious. Irish dance has given my oldest lessons in working hard, practicing and having a more active life.

Being part of this Irish dance school also has given her (us) a glimpse into the Irish culture ~ its music, its art, its dance. It's a rich culture that truly celebrates its history and traditions, not only on St. Patrick's Day, but all throughout the year.

Yesterday, my daughter performed on stage in front of a lot of people at the annual Irish music and dance festival at the gorgeous facility pictured below. For being a beginner, I thought she did marvelous. She smiled, and she danced her heart out. (And yes, I know I am a bragging mom, but what can I say; I'm simply proud of my girl.)

With one of our children being involved in an extracurricular activity, the activity becomes something that effects our entire family's schedule. It is something that we all attend and support her at. It's not just her activity; it's a family affair. One that I think has intrigued the next-in-line sibling, as she's been jigging up a storm since we got home yesterday afternoon.

I've never really been one to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Probably because I thought it was only for the Irish. As I have grown in my faith, I've learned how to celebrate it as a Catholic feast day, and being Catholic is universal no matter what your cultural heritage. That is what I've been teaching my children about this feast day (and others). But this year, as St. Patrick's Day approaches, our family will be glad to celebrate the feast day of a great saint as well as appreciate the Irish culture that much more. Even for a day, I guess you could say we are proud to be Irish at heart.

Just Like Riding a Bike

That popular phrase took on a literal meaning yesterday when I received my very special birthday present: a new bike!

I have not had a bike since I was in junior high school (maybe before that). After my parents divorced and we moved from my childhood neighborhood where I rode bikes with my friends everyday, I sort of stopped riding. I didn't have anyone to ride with, so it seemed pointless.

Then, while I studied Spanish for one month in Guatemala while I was in college, I had an opportunity to go on a bike tour. So, I did. I had not ridden in years, and I definitely think I forgot how to ride well. Sure, I could balance and pedal, but I lacked confidence. And our tour guide was this cycling expert who zoomed around the rugged countryside as if he was in a race. I just couldn't keep up, and I couldn't turn those sharp curves fast enough. On one occasion I rode into some roadside shrubbery to avoid falling. It was not a pleasant experience for me. Except for one favorite memory: riding through the coffee bean groves. The aroma was heavenly!

Up until a year ago, I never had the desire to ride a bike again. Nor did I really have an opportunity or reason. But my children are getting bigger and riding their own bikes more. Last summer was the first time they could go on bike rides with their dad. I stayed home with the twins, which was fine, but I also felt like I was missing out on some family fun. So, I mentioned to my husband that I'd like a bike by the following summer. And I put it on my birthday wish list as a reminder.

Then, yesterday morning, I got a special card. It read:

For your happy spring birthday, we found something you might like. If you look in the garage, you will find your new ...

Since this was a rather challenging riddle (wink!), I received a scrambled clue from my seven-year-old: kbie.

When I went into the garage, there was my new pink bike, decorated with all these lovely pictures and cards. It's not a great photo, because it was in our tiny, dark garage, which is a bit messy due to our move, but you get the idea. I was thrilled!

I am so looking forward to family bike rides this summer. With the twins in the bike trailer. Oh, and one of the most wonderful things about the new city we live in is that it is all connected with miles and miles of bike trails! Smooth, paved bike trails. No more off-roading for this gal. Just purely comfy riding. With my family. I can't wait!

Oh, and those Mocha Brownies were absolutely sensational! I highly recommend them. But they are very, very rich, so make them for a true celebration, preferably with a lot of guests so there are no leftovers. (We have a lot of leftovers ... yikes! ;-)

P.S. Thank you so much for all of the birthday wishes and prayers! I truly, truly appreciated them! XO

Celebrating 34

Yesterday, on the way to school, my preschooler asked me, "Who is coming to your birthday?" I named her and her sisters and brother and, of course, her dad. And then she asked me, "But what about the guests?" I went on to tell her that the most important people in my life are all of you, and you are the guests with whom I want to celebrate my birthday ...

I've always loved my birthday. Sometimes I'm a little embarrassed about how much I love my birthday. I still get that giddy feeling inside when the day is approaching. But I don't need a party with lots of guests, or even gifts, to celebrate. Usually it's a pretty normal day with meals to prepare, laundry to do, kids to pick up from school. But I do appreciate having those whom I love around me, even if it's just for our normal family mealtime. Maybe I'll receive a call or card, which is always delightful. This year, I will indulge in some Mocha Brownies, which my DH and kids made last night. (I have been waiting to try these since early January, when I got this cookbook.)

Something is different about the day, and I like that.

I also like how much my children are learning to be excited for birthdays other than their own. They were so excited to come home from shopping with their dad for my gift. Even though they haven't come out and told me what I'm getting, they've given me some pretty good clues. They think they're being so secretive, and that is awfully cute. I appreciate how much they like being part of the planning and preparing. I think it's a lesson in generosity and simple joy for others.

Today, I don't know what my birthday will hold. But one thing I do know is I will spend some time with the Lord, thanking Him for creating me. Thanking Him for my parents, for my husband and children. Thanking Him for all the people, events, sorrows and joys of the past 34 years. It obviously hasn't been all sweet and rosy, but much of it has been good. And it has indeed been blessed. So. very. blessed. And because of all of that, because of His abundant love for me and His gift of life to me, I will celebrate my birthday! For isn't that reason enough for celebrating?

Heaven on Earth

Our whole life gets caught up in the Mass and becomes our participation in the Mass. As heaven descends to earth, we lift up our earth to meet it halfway. That's the splendor of the ordinary: the workaday world becomes our Mass. That's how we bring about the Kingdom of God. When we begin to see that heaven awaits us in the Mass, we begin already to bring our home to heaven. And we begin already to bring heaven home with us ...

We were made as creatures on earth, but we were made for heaven, and nothing less. We were made in time like Adam and Eve, yet not to remain in an earthly paradise, but to be taken up into the eternal life of God Himself.

Now, heaven has been unveiled for us with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Now is the Communion God has created us for. Now, heaven touches earth and awaits you. Jesus Christ himself says to you: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me" (Rev. 3:20).

The door opens now on the marriage supper of the Lamb.

~ From The Lamb's Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth by Scott Hahn

Someone recently e-mailed this text to me, and I thought it was so excitingly beautiful, especially for a Sunday. I definitely am putting this book on my ever-growing, to-read list! (In fact, I think my husband already has a copy ... in storage =)

Happy Lord's Day!

Notes on Trust and Suffering

The last talk of the retreat I attended two weeks ago was on trust and suffering. It was given by a young woman studying to receive her master's degree in marriage and family from the John Paul II Institute. Looking at her youthful glow, perhaps some would wonder what they could learn from such a young woman. But her spiritual maturity was years ahead of her biological age. She was prayerful, passionate and wise. And she had a lot to share about the topic entrusted to her.

Below is a synopsis of her talk, from the notes I took. Over the past two weeks, I have reread them frequently, and they have been very helpful, insightful and convicting. Perhaps they will be of some use to you, too.

• There are two types of suffering: enduring and sanctifying

• Enduring suffering includes our daily trials. It could include spiritual warfare. These sufferings bear great fruit. They are tiny offerings, compared to Calvary, but we lay them at the feet of Jesus anyway.

• Sanctifying suffering is heart-wrenching. We tremble under the weight of it. At times, we may ask, How did He let this happen? We personify our humanness on God. But we are encouraged to look at it as a gift, as a compliment, rather than bone-crushing.

• During this type of suffering, we must trust: Father, into Your hands I commend my spirit. Jesus, I trust in You. This type of suffering is an opportunity to grow, and to receive the grace and love it can bring.

• We may wonder where the Lord is during these times. Rather than Him not being with us, though, we can try to imagine that we are nailed on the other side of the cross. With Jesus. We can't see Him, but He's there with us. Suffering, too.

• Jesus asks us not only to endure the suffering but to will it. When we do not will the suffering, we hold on too tightly to what we know, for control and security. But this is not from the God that we need to know ...

• An example of this "holding on to" and not willing the Father's will: On the day of His Resurrection, when He meets Mary Magdalene, He asks her whom she is seeking? She thinks He is the gardener and responds, "Sir, if you carried Him away, tell me where you laid Him, and I will take Him." And Jesus says her name, and then tells her, "Stop holding onto Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." (John 20:11-18)

• Another example is in The Passion of the Christ movie when Jesus meets His mother on the way to Calvary. She wants to stop and protect her Son from the pain and suffering. What mother wouldn't want to end this for her child? But He tells her, "Mother, look, I make all things new."

• An example of not holding on is in the famous sculpture by Michelangelo, La Pieta. If you study it, you will notice that Mary does not hold on to the dead body of her Son. But rather her one hand is open. She is not holding on to what she knew, as if to control the situation. Rather, she is open to the will of the Father. As if she is giving her pain, her sorrow, her suffering to God. She is giving her Son back to His Father, to His will and trusting Him completely.

• When we fail God over and over again, we may ask, How can He forgive me again?

• Perfection is not in "how we do" or not falling; even Jesus fell three times. Perfection is in our relationship with Him.

• This is when He reveals Himself as God. This is when He calls us to behold the Pierced One, to let the blood and water flow down upon us and soak in, and to rest in Him.